no more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone

Penguins are whores. Female penguins will sleep with male penguins in exchange for pebbles to build their nests. They give away sex for payment of pebbles.

"wanna fuck?"

Penguin prostitution.

I am in such a daze of exhaustion.

{Seems like I’ve been held in some dreaming state (a tourist in the waking world, never quite awake).}

I am falling grossly behind in my readings for classes. I feel like an epic failure in design. I resorted to my usual “let splatter a bunch of angsty and expressive ink stains” solution in finishing my first drawing project of the semester tonight. I accidentally forgot about a check that I wrote quite some time ago and now I’m overdrawn over a hundred dollars in my checking account. I have no money, no motivation, no milk (seriously, I drank all my fucking milk and I have no time to grocery shop). I want to throw in the towel, but if I fail any more classes this semester, I will get kicked out of school.

Not to complain.

Somewhere between falling asleep this morning in the lecture hall and accidentally dipping my earrings in drawing ink, I realized I needed to get back to my “let’s try and change stuff and not just go on hating everything in life” plan that I had at the beginning of this school year.

So I wrote out a list of objectives that I shall be putting into effect immediately(ish)

Number One:

I will not complain about any responsibility that I have. I get myself into situations that require me to be an adult. I must live with them or abandon them. (The above complaining in this said blog does not count at the moment…)

I will make an effort to get more sleep and wake up early enough to not feel stressed out in the mornings.

I will see a Star Wars movie at some point in my life.

I will stop feeling sorry for myself when bad things happen or believe that I am doomed to misery.

I will live my life working towards the goals I have for myself and not adopt goals that other’s think I should have.

I will figure out some goals.

I will live only up to my own expectations and never anyone else’s.

I will not listen to people when they tell me I am not witty and hilarious.

Because I am.

Bitches.

I will accept compliments given to me and not argue with them.

I will never be guilted or peer pressured into anything.

Unless it involves alcohol.

Or sex.

I will always remember what I love most in the world and never be ashamed of it.

I will end each day thinking of what I’ve accomplished and not dwell on what I didn’t.

I will not look at people on the streets and think to myself “Jesus, they’re ugly.”

No matter how true it is.

I will devote myself entirely to my schoolwork and will not channel all my energy towards human relationships (or lack thereof).

I will listen to a Beatles song every morning, read a chapter of a book each night and take a picture every day.

I will start telling people what I actually think of them.

Or maybe not.

……….

I will end this blog on a funny quote from my dearest Czarina (said to me this evening):

“I feel like the other penguins would develop human-like characteristics just to not fuck you.”

 Cheers.